hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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