mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
