The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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