marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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