we have pet lesbian snakes
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
