I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
