dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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