I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
