dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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