I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
