Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
