Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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