Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
