Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
