im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
