not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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