I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
