Duck Duck Cougar?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
