I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
