Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
