and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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