Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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