she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
