I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
