I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish i was in the wii world.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
