i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
