i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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