Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
