Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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