WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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