The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
