I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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