I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
