I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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