Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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