"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
