She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
