she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
should my penis look like a turkey
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
