...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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