their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
