I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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