i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
