Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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