I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
