Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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