didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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