you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
