i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
