Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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