When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize