yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
