So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm both gender and math confused
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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