Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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