he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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