it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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