A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you made out with another girl for some wings
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
