Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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