Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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