Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
