College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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