ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He has the fingertips of a God
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