So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
