I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
