Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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