She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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