Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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