Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
