it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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