I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
