Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize