i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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